Sometimes the smallest cuts hurt the most.
Harrison and Phil had been together for nearly a decade when Phil passed away this past June. Harrison has asked that he and his partner's names, as well as a number of other identifying details, be changed because he is not interested retribution for what happened in the days before Phil died. He also does not want to create conflict with Phil's family, but believes his story should be made public to prevent other gay people from going through what he went through”disappointment and grief that could have been prevented had Harrison and Phil registered as domestic partners.
Both men were retired. They shared a home in the Orlando area. Harrison is “60-plus,” and Phil was in his 80s. Phil had health issues from the start of 2012 and then got worse in the early summer. He was shuttled between hospitals, home and a nursing home several times before his final stay in a hospital came in early June, when he passed away.
“I was very much in the mix up until the last four or five days,” Harrison said, when one of Phil's close family members, through legal means, prevented Harrison from communicating with Phil's doctors. Harrison tried to go through the nurses and was told that in order to be updated on Phil's condition, he would have to go through that family member. That was something Harrison was unwilling to do.
In the months up until then, Harrison had received copies of his partner's medical records and had communicated freely with Phil's medical authorities, working side-by-side with them as Phil's condition fluctuated. In the final days, a Do Not Resuscitate order was issued as Phil's health quickly declined, but Harrison was no longer a part of the discussion.
“It threw me for a loop,” said Harrison. “Because I was not allowed to talk to a doctor, I was not prepared for it.”
Harrison's story may not seem as shocking as what lesbian couple Janice Langbehn and Lisa Marie Pond encountered when they vacationed in Miami several years ago. That's when Langbehn and their children were denied visitation by hospital administrators after Pond suffered a stroke. Pond died 18 hours after being admitted to Jackson Memorial Hospital and Langbehn said before that, she was only allowed to see Pond for about five minutes while a priest gave last rights.
The way Harrison was excluded during Phil's final days was a smaller cut, a quieter, common example of how same-sex partners can suffer from complicated family relationships and insufficient preparation, adding unnecessary pain to an already painful situation.
“They’ve been partners for nearly 10 years, in a relationship, sharing a home and because they did not have any type of protections, Harrison was not allowed to make any medical decisions,” said Randy Stephens, executive director of The GLBT Center. “The main thing he wanted was not to be left out of the medical discussions.”
Harrison was able to visit Phil and he is comfortable with how Phil's funeral was conducted.
“I was just upset that I couldn’t talk to a doctor and get his updated condition,” he said.
To prevent other Central Florida couples from finding themselves in a similar situation, Stephens points to the domestic partner registry.
“If [Harrison and Phil] had signed up and registered as domestic partners, they would have automatically received those rights,” Stephens said.
Orange County's domestic partner registry takes effect July 6. It was passed by the county commissioners as a measure titled The HELP Ordinance on May 22 and will provide county-wide rights and protections for unmarried same-sex and opposite-sex couples, including hospital visitation, jail visitation, emergency notifications, guardian decisions, healthcare decisions, funeral/burial decisions and participation in a child's public education.
“These are matters people take for granted right now and they assume family members will always be cooperative and they may not always be,” Stephens said. “Therefore, there’s a strong need to have these protections such as a domestic partner registry.”
According to Stephens, couples who have already registered as domestic partners with the city of Orlando will automatically be included in the county registry, and can receive updated documentation from the county July 6. Couples who live outside of Orange County can register with the county and will receive all of the registry's benefits while they are in the vicinity of Orange County.
“If you live in Clermont but work in downtown Orlando, and you get hurt, your partner who lives in Lake County has full authorization to visit you in an Orange County Hospital,” Stephens said.
To register in Orange County, couples should go to the official records department of the Orange County comptroller’s office to get their forms or download them from OCCCompt.com. The city of Orlando will notarize registries and provide witnesses, but couples registering via the county are responsible for providing a notary and two witnesses. Orange County's registry is cheaper, though”$10 compared to Orlando's $30.
There will be a celebration at the Comptroller’s Main Office at the County Admin Building, as couples are registered there, on July 6. After that date, couples who want to be registered should go to the satellite office at 109 E. Church St. Suite 300 or call 407-836-5115 to request that their card be mailed.
