In his latest column, Dr. Steve Yacovelli, (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude®”) shares his expertise on submitted workplace questions from members of the LGBTQ+ community & awesome allies. Have a question? See below!
Greetings, “Gay Leadership Dude®,”
I’m a gay man in my 40s, and something in my circle is making my stomach hurt. More than a few of my gay and lesbian friends — smart folks, folks who don’t shy away from standing up for our rights — have started saying the quiet part out loud: that the “T” is costing us politically, that we’d be facing less backlash right now if we’d stayed in our lane. Somebody said it at a dinner party last month and three people nodded. I said nothing, which I’m not proud of. Is there an argument here I’m missing? And what do I actually say next time — at dinner, or worse, at work?
-Uneasy in the “G”
UNEASY!
No: there’s no argument you’re missing. But there is something I want to hand you, and it’s going to require me to embarrass myself a little.
In February 2014 I wrote my very first Watermark column. The topic: whether the “T” belonged with the “LGB.” I’m reprinting parts below, 12 years later, because the argument you heard at that dinner isn’t new: it’s just better funded now, with a political tailwind it didn’t have then. When someone tells you this is a fresh reckoning — a strategic correction the movement has finally gotten around to — hand them my 2014 receipt.
Now the embarrassing part, because I’d rather you hear it from me than find it yourself. That piece has two things in it I got wrong. First: I wrote “brothers and sisters” about a dozen times, in an article whose entire subject was folks who don’t fit neatly into two boxes. I made the case for gender complexity in a sentence structure with no room for it.
The second is worse. I wrote, and I quote myself: “although ‘queer’ is being reclaimed by many as a positive term … it is still offensive to lots of people (me included).”
Me included. That was my position, in print. And the column you’re currently reading is called Your Queer Career®, which is also the name of my latest book, my LinkedIn newsletter and my upcoming podcast.
Sit with that a second, Uneasy, because it’s the actual answer to your question. I did not arrive at 2026 correct; I got here because folks were patient with me while I was wrong, because I stayed in the room when the room got uncomfortable, and because nobody decided I was too much of a liability to keep around while I caught up. That grace is the reason I’m employable in this space today. What your dinner companions are proposing is that we stop extending it — or extend it selectively, to the folks whose difference is currently cheapest to defend.
As for the strategy argument, since that’s the costume it wears: the claim is that the “T” is expensive, and dropping it makes the “LGB” safer. Check the math. The legal outfits driving the anti-trans push are, in many cases, the same ones that fought marriage equality — and that have since asked the Supreme Court to overturn Obergefell outright. The Court declined to hear it in late 2025. They filed anyway, and they’ll file again.
So, what do you actually say? Two things:
At the dinner party: “Where’d you hear that?” It’s a question, not a fight, and it makes folks source an argument they’ve absorbed rather than examined. Most can’t. That’s the whole intervention. And if you stayed quiet — go back. Text them the next day: “I didn’t say anything last night, and I should have.”
At work — this is a career column, so this is the one that matters: If you sit anywhere near your organization’s ERG or inclusion work, at some point you may be told to “soften” trans-inclusive language to reduce risk. Ask for that in writing and ask which specific legal exposure it addresses. Not to be difficult — because “let’s not use that word anymore” is a decision somebody should have to own on paper.
It All Starts with Diversity. As a consultant in learning and development for over twenty years, I’ve delivered training on race and ethnicity, age and generations, gender, the LGBT community, and most recently gender identity and gender expression. To me, that whole list is just a basic understanding of the human experience.
Openness and inclusion should be part of who we are as an LGBT community.
So, what should our “label” be? Personally, I like “LGBTA”: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and allies. That seems to me a greater umbrella for our community and those who support our fight for equality, understanding, fairness and respect.
Or better yet simply use “human.”
HAVE A QUESTION FOR “THE GAY LEADERSHIP DUDE®”? Submit @ www.YourQueerCareer.com Please note the advice shared is for informational use only; it is not intended to replace or substitute any mental, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Full disclosure can be found at the website listed above.
Dr. Steve Yacovelli (“The Gay Leadership Dude”) is owner and principal of TopDog Learning Group, LLC. Find more information at TopDogLearning.biz.
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