Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
(Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Atherton, Ben Kingsley)
It’s a mystical combo of Gladiator and Indiana Jones. It’s also a pretty dismissible videogame-based flick loaded with some very impressive stunt work.
Gyllenhaal is the adopted son of the king of Persia. He and his older brothers travel to subdue a rogue city in the empire. In that dessert town, Gyllenhaal uncovers a nefarious plot to acquire a mystical dagger that can turn back time. Who’s responsible for this fantastic subterfuge: one of the two noble but hotheaded brothers or creepy uncle Kingsley?
This mystery completely lacks surprise and uniqueness, so the entertainment has to come from the adrenaline-fueled action. Here’s where Prince of Persia shines. There are still a few overblown effects, but most of the excitement comes from good, old-fashioned fight choreography. This movie is filled with a fresh take on the kind of intricate, elaborate stunts Hollywood has provided for decades.
You can tell that Gyllenhaal and the other actors went through months of training. They climb walls, do standing back flips, and dash across rooftops with a grace and ease that may remind you of West Side Story.
So, yes, the plot is dusty, and the dialogue is extraordinarily dry. Also, the editing jumps around a bit, playing with time like that magical dagger. However, the battles are elaborate and beautiful dances. So—both in its shallow tone and impressive physique—Prince of Persia defies gravity.
MacGruber
(Starring Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, Ryan Phillippe, Val Kilmer)
Tick…tick…tick….fphfttt.
There are only a couple explosively funny moments in this scattershot parody.
The 1980s TV series MacGyver is a supremely easy target for a spoof; it had that cheesy style and a dumb do-it-yourself premise. What’s more, Forte has been playing the character for a couple years on Saturday Night Live. However, almost all of the jokes here completely fail.
After a wedding day tragedy, MacGruber (Forte) goes into hiding. When an evil mastermind (Kilmer) steals a warhead, the hero has to come out of retirement to save the world. In other words, it’s an achingly typical plot.
So, what does work in Forte’s invention? A couple jokes are so funny—so well-delivered—that you may stop breathing from laughing so hard. These bits of brilliance give you hope that there might be a hilarious idea in there somewhere.
Sadly, the rest of the film is Val Kilmer stumbling through a boring villain role. Wiig is mostly wasted as MacGruber’s love interest. And poor Ryan Phillippe is screwed over in one of the dullest roles in movie history.
This leaves the goofy gimmicks up to Forte’s moody character, who only intermittently cobbles together something genuinely worth a laugh. Other times, Forte is shoving vegetables up his bum and stretching out embarrassing moments beyond audience tolerance. Like his hero, Forte makes something out of nothing, but his something isn’t really worth a whole lot.
Sex and the City 2
(Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Chris Noth)
The Sex and the City girls go to Abu Dhabi. In real life—even in the modern Middle East—they’d be stoned to death the minute they stepped off the plane. For this offensive film, they deserve a strong verbal stoning.
This time, Sarah Jessica Parker is bored with her second year of matrimony to Mr. Big (Noth). Nixon hates her job, Cattrall has hit menopause, and Davis is a little sick of the kids. These supposed feminists run off to the Arabian sands to explore their angst. Instead of being funny and groundbreaking, they all sound spoiled, vapid, selfish and narrow-minded.
It’s perfectly fine to make a film based on audience fantasy, and that’s primarily what SatC2 aims to do. The clothes are silly haute couture. Both the City and the Middle East are glittery and mysterious. Financially and socially, everyone here is upper echelon.
However, most of the scenes have an undercurrent of degrading tokenism. SatC2 knows it has a gay following, so it hosts an insultingly campy man-on-man nuptial. For the more materialistic moviegoer, product placement abounds: Apple, BMW, Chanel. For the horny housewife, a half-naked Australian rugby team serves as soft porn. Women are given jewelry, cars and exotic trips based on their looks. Most offensively, to placate American audiences, the misogyny of the Middle East is mined for punch lines. Burqa jokes, anyone?
