Dear Truth,
I have a problem with my boyfriend, Otis, and I feel really guilty about it. Whenever Otis and I are together, he always comments on how handsome I am, and much he loves me. This happens whether we’re with other people or just hanging around the house, alone. I’m not someone who needs this constant affirmation, and I usually don’t say it back. In fact, I get annoyed when he does it over and over. I’ve told Otis that it makes me uncomfortable, and that after a while it sounds contrived and insincere. When I call him on it, he pouts and withdraws. He says this is “who he is” and that he’s not going to change, and I should want to express my love and attraction for him. Can there be too much affection?
—Drowning in Dunedin
Dear DID—
Well, boo effin’ hoo for you, honey! Your boyfriend compliments you too much and tells you how much he loves you, and this is the salient problem in your life? Your burden isn’t exactly Schindler’s List, is it? But honestly, this is the sort of problem you should be thankful for. If he tells you that it is ‘who he is’ and he doesn’t seem to merely be buttering you up in an attempt to manipulate you in some way, I say you lucked out with this one and got a genuinely romantic and affectionate person to share your life with. I know that constantly being complimented can get annoying at a certain point, and I do wonder if the cavalcade of good tidings is an attempt for you to reciprocate every now and then. I also think that if you’ve told him it makes you uncomfortable and yet he continues like one half of Chip and Dale, he may be a little tone deaf. But here comes the Truth, baby: No one is going to be the perfect person for you. If this is his worst fault, you’re playing with house money. Consider yourself lucky. And handsome. And smart.
Dear Truth,
My girlfriend and I like to go out occasionally, but she nags me about drinking and driving. I usually have a couple of beers when we go out, but I don’t get drunk. I’m smart enough to know that I don’t want a DUI. She gets buzzed and basically hounds me the whole time we’re out, and then freaks out when we get in the car. I’m more distracted by her than any alcohol in my system! When she’s the designated driver, she doesn’t drink at all (and lets everybody know it), and she sits around like a sourpuss and makes everybody feel guilty and miserable for having fun. Then she insists we go home early because “she’s the driver.” It’s getting to the point where I don’t want her to come with me when I go out. Am I being unreasonable?
—Driving Me Crazy
Dear Heather Locklear—
Driving under the influence, or while fully intoxicated, is no laughing matter. Your girlfriend is right to be concerned about the drive home after an evening of drinking. However, your description is of someone who is badgering you, behaving poorly and in general is making a nuisance of herself. She pouts and sits around like a ‘sourpuss’ when she’s the designated driver, and yet she constantly harangues you when it’s your turn behind the wheel? How is that fun for you? It doesn’t sound like you’re ever at peace when the two of you go out for a couple of beers. And if that’s the case, one must wonder why you continue to engage in a pastime that has no positive upside.
Honestly Sammy Jo, I don’t think alcohol is your problem. You sound like a reasonable and responsible adult. You don’t need me (or your girlfriend) to lecture you on the perils of drunk driving. Your problem is a petulant and self-absorbed girlfriend. I’m guessing that this won’t be the last issue about which you’ll get brow beaten. Unless you’ve left out some background information (previous DUIs by you, some incident that had a negative effect on her relating to alcohol), girlfriend needs to shut her mouth or do the driving herself. If she can’t lighten up (a few drinks might help), I say you start going out without her. Or maybe find activities to do together that don’t involve alcohol at all!
