Last year, Beau Fodor had his career figured out. He was excelling in his career with International Professional Relations, Inc., an organization that assists families relocating to Iowa due to career moves. But then something happened in 2009. His home state of Iowa legalized same-sex marriage. Literally within minutes of the court’s rulings, Fodor knew he wanted to change careers and focus on planning weddings for same-sex couples taking advantage of the new law.
Fodor, who is single, started his own business Gay Weddings With Panache and has helped gay and lesbian couples from around the country create beautiful and memorable weddings. The 42-year-old refers to himself as Iowa’s premier gay wedding planner and blogs about his experiences and ceremonies on his web site. The former window decorator and Salvation Army employee spoke with Watermark about what it takes to make a gay wedding special and what to expect when you’re planning your big day.
Do you do gay weddings exclusively or do you plan straight weddings as well?
Since the ruling, I’ve focused exclusively on gay weddings and will continue to do so.
You’re based in Iowa, but most of our readers are in Florida, where gay marriage is not legal. Would you plan a gay ceremony here? If so, what’s involved?
I would plan the wedding reception in Florida. I suggest all couples marry legally, in a state where it is legal, and then go home and repeat those vows in a second ceremony with friends and family present—followed by the wedding reception.
This may be a stereotype, but after watching an episode of Bridezillas, it makes me wonder if having two brides or two grooms would be just too much to handle. Can you share a horror story with us?
Well, fortunately, not really. It has been a sense of gratitude and accommodation that I’ve experienced with the 19 couples I’ve planned for thus far. But families can be high maintenance; you’ve got all those perceptions and suggestions to deal with.
Okay, on the flip side, is there one ceremony or wedding that stands out for its fabulousness?
Probably the most fabulous one was two young grooms traveling in the cast of the Broadway show Wicked with the cast and the grooms’ families all in tow. It was very chic, very glamorous and featured a vegan menu, a wedding cake and was held in the ballroom of an historical hotel. You can read about it in my October blog.
Are gay weddings really all that different than straight ones?
All I can share is what I’ve experienced, and that surrounds issues related to some form of homophobia on very different levels. Almost every wedding couple has shared intimate thoughts and experiences with the issue of having a same-sex wedding, at least on some emotional or psychological level, and I don’t think the heterosexual couples ever have to deal with that.
Some may think hiring a wedding planner is just adding an expense. Why do people need a planner like you?
I think you deserve to be a guest at your own wedding, especially so you can relax and be a good host. It is the day you get to be in the spotlight, a day you’ve spent your whole life dreaming about. Why would you try to do it all yourself or burden yourself? You, your spouse and your friends and family are the real guests.
You used to work with the Salvation Army. What did you do there and is that organization homophobic?
I started at an adult rehabilitation center, doing education and intervention, focusing on chemical dependency and HIV-related issues. The men I worked with changed my life and made me a better human being. I traveled the Midwest, from Michigan to Texas, and was treated with respect and kindness for more than seven years.
Research shows that you planned a gay wedding expo in Iowa. Are wedding expos really that helpful, even though we have the Internet to Google everything we need?
Meeting vendors face to face, along with the visibility that this is a true industry are imperative to this movement. And the true sense of community and support for our basic human right that I felt with Iowa’s Gay Wedding Expo was a dream come true.
Some places still aren’t thrilled with gays and lesbians holding commitment ceremonies. How should couples approach venues/parks when they want to inquire about it hosting a wedding?
First and foremost, do some homework and think gay. Find a gay or gay-friendly event or wedding planner, have a one-hour consultation, and take their suggestions and go for it.
When a couple first hires you to plan their wedding, what is the first piece of advice you give them?
Budget, budget budget! And read my blog, starting with the first one from last April.
If you could plan anyone’s wedding, who’s would it be?
Martha Stewart’s.
When you find Mr. Right, will you plan your own wedding?
I would have to plan my own. I’m sure I’ll be a “Bridezilla.”
