There are plenty of news stories out there about gay activists, but what about our straight allies? Nicki Drumb with her partner, Rachel Gardiner, has found a way to celebrate not only their love for one another but also the love of our heterosexual supporters.
To celebrate Valentine’s Day 2009, Nicki got a “wild hair” and began asking friends and acquaintances to join in, what she called a “heArt installation.” Her goal was to have as many people as possible gather at 2:14 pm on 2/14, and form a huge heart in Loch Haven Park. After just two weeks of spreading the idea, 97 people—and two dogs—attended. In conjunction, a Unitarian Universalist Church in Georgia held one as well.
As Nicki and Rachel gear up to do it again this year, we thought it would be a good idea to get the story behind The OUTright Love-In.
Get more information on the event.
What prompted the idea for The OUTright Love-In?
I started wondering what to do for Rach for Valentine’s Day. I thought of all the nice things I’d like to give her and what I really wanted to give her was, well, me as a wife—legally. I became hurt and angry about the anti-equality-for-gays-and-lesbians laws passing. But then I thought about how many wonderful LGBTQ and hetero people work so hard for human rights and how nice it would be if we could all get together for a moment of healing, away from all the hate and defeat. We could just take a moment to claim, express and celebrate what we have in common (love), and have a little fun!
When did you first notice the lack of gay and lesbian rights?
The first glimmers of realization came from the lack of information growing up in a small Florida town. The secretive, taboo nature of it all was my first clue to oppression. There was simply no information about sexual orientation or gender identity anywhere. I ultimately met and married a very sensitive man. Shortly before we were got married in 1996, I became aware that gays and lesbians couldn’t, so I suggested to him that we shouldn’t, either—not until everyone could. We did, however, but we continued to work for social justice causes.
The more obvious and specific lack of LGBT rights came to my attention about 15 years ago when I started attending a Unitarian Universalist church, which I was drawn to because of its advocacy on many social justice issues.
How did you and your ex-husband become involved in a public gay and lesbian wedding ceremony?
While attending the Unitarian Universalist Church in March of 2004, The Rev. Dr. Marni Harmony asked the First Unitarian Church of Orlando congregation if we wanted to take a stand for marriage equality. A resounding “yes” lead to three same-sex couples applying for marriage licenses at the courthouse, while the rest of us stood supportive outside. After the couples’ denial, Marni performed a public union ceremony at Lake Eola Park for the three couples and invited all other willing couple to stand along with them and renew their vows in solidarity. We were one of several.
How did you meet your partner, Rachel?
We met during simultaneous readings of The Lysistrata Project on March 3, 2003. Our church held a reading of the ancient anti-war play, which was done all over the world in an effort to stop Bush’s preemptive invasion in Iraq. Rachel and I both participated in the reading, and shortly after that she started coming to church regularly. During the “Love Not Hate” March in 2005 I had to face the reality that people are beaten—and worse—just for being gay. As we marched, I kept saying that over and over in my head, trying to “scare myself straight” I guess. But it didn’t work. By the end of that evening I finally admitted to myself that—despite the risks—I was falling in love with a woman.
Have you and Rachel gotten married?
We live in Florida; there is no civil marriage for us here. I took for granted filing joint tax returns, family membership, holding hands in public without fear. Good grief, this inequality thing is such a pain in the ass!
I had it all before, and I want it all now—with someone I love, who gets me, carries tampons and remembers I don’t eat spicy food. But, yes, we did have a ceremony. We had a lovely faith-based commitment ceremony at our church, with family from both sides, and dozens of friends—lesbian, gay and hetero folk.
Do you feel the “Human Heart” made an impact last year?
Yes. Several “hearticipants” who considered themselves non-activists enjoyed doing something both fun and meaningful. My own experience was overwhelmingly positive. While my family embraces me as a lesbian and Rachel as family, I get the feeling they’re not crazy about me being so outspoken. But when my mom read about the event in the paper, she called me to say, “I’m proud of you.” That is one of the best moments of my life. Yes, it’s about the bigger movement, yet sometimes tolerance-to-progress-to-equality actually happens one proud mom at a time.
