Dear Truth,
My friend, Gerry, recently lost a significant amount of weight”almost 70 pounds”after he started experiencing health problems and mobility issues. However, Gerry has started to backslide and I'm concerned that he will put all the weight back on. He hardly works out anymore and I've noticed that he's reverting to some of his old eating habits. I've told him repeatedly how proud I am that he lost the weight and I try to set good example”I'm a competitive runner and tennis player”but Gerry seems to resent any encouragement coming from a “skinny” person.
At 44 years old, I'm really worried that this is Gerry's last chance. What should I do?
“Hillsborough Helper
Dear Hilly,
You are sweet to worry about your friend, and you seem genuinely invested in his health. Gerry's situation is painfully common because people use extreme measures to lose weight, measures they can't maintain in real life. While it's not nearly as rewarding (or television-friendly) as massive, rapid weight loss, I think we can all agree that slow and steady really wins the health race.
Changes will have to be made permanently to Gerry's diet and lifestyle for him to be able to keep the weight off. I thoroughly reject your suggestion that at 44 years old, he is approaching his “last chance.” That's utter nonsense. Given current medical science, Gerry's life is probably only roughly half over and it is never too early, nor too late, to go down a healthier path. Your question is what should you do? Aside from continuing to provide a positive example, it sounds like you've done all you can. Already it seems that resentment for your focus on his weight is beginning to swell. While his age does not represent a last chance, it does indicate that he's a full adult. Here comes the Truth: Gerry needs to be the captain of his own weight loss ship. You can be supportive, but it is also important not to be a nag. That will be counterproductive. As much as you'd like to help, Gerry has to help Gerry. I'd back off on the Jillian Michaels routine.
Dear Truth,
How do you know if you're gay? I am a college sophomore and I have dated girls my whole life. I enjoy being with women”I'm not a virgin”but sometimes I find another guy attractive. I played sports all through high school and there were definitely guys on my football team that I thought were good-looking”sexy, even”but the thought of fooling around with a guy skeeves me out.
I don't have a problem with gay people”I know a couple of gay and lesbian kids here at school”I just don't have anything in common with them. I can't imagine talking to my friends about these feelings, especially since I'm probably not gay, but I kinda need to know. Any advice?
“UCF Guy
Dear U Could Finish,
Societal pressures and somewhat archaic ideas about gender roles have created in our society the misimpression that human sexuality is a binary, gay/straight process. The fact of the matter is that human sexuality is a continuum from those who are exclusively homosexual through genuine bisexuality (yes it exists), to exclusively heterosexuality.
Truthfully, as with most human behavior, the biggest chunk of us are in the chubby part in the middle of the bell curve. So the simple act of finding another male attractive, or even sexy, doesn't really say very much at all about your sexual orientation. The true measure of where your sexuality points comes down to what provides you a sexual response. It's pretty simply, kids. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that schwing.
If by “skeeved' out, you mean not turned on by the idea of sex with a man, and in fact a little grossed out, then I'd say you're most assuredly not gay. If your discomfort is more about the personal or social ramifications of sexual arousal for men, that's another story. But at your age, your sexuality and what is fundamentally erotic for you should be pretty self-apparent. This is particularly true for males.
I laugh when I hear a gay man say he didn't know he was gay until his 20s. If I know that person well enough, I always ask the same question: “What images did you masturbate to in your teens?” Men aren't very complicated and we have a veritable thermometer attached to our bodies to determine how hot we think something is. If you find yourself spending lots of time thinking about naked men, you might need to ask again. But it sounds to me like you have a perfectly healthy curiosity about other men and can even find them attractive, without wanting to mate with them.
And that's okay.
