Dear Truth,
I'm a 44-year-old gay man with self-esteem problems. I don't consider myself attractive and I have never seen myself as worthy of affection. I haven't had a relationship with a man (or woman), and no one outside of my family has ever said “I love you” to me.
I have talked to my few good friends to try to help me with my problem, but I'm afraid if I keep relying on them it'll wear them down, and I don't want to burden them.
Part of my problem is that I am currently unemployed and struggling financially. How do I break through and start feeling good about myself?
“Lost in Tampa
Dear LIT
To begin, from your letter, I see some pretty clear signs that you are in a clinical depression, that is, no matter what the cause, your body chemistry is playing a number on you right now, and pulling you down into a funk.
It is absolutely critical for your physical and mental health to speak to a therapist of some variety. I'm not sure if you signed up for COBRA when you lost your job. If so, please reach out to a provider in your network specializing in mental health issues. In the event you're not covered by insurance, being a member of our community can be a strong positive here. There are many support groups for gays and lesbians in most urban areas, including ours.
Here comes the Truth, my friend: you are a vital and embraced member of your community, your family”whose love of which you are certain”and your group of good friends. The one who needs convincing is you.
Dear Truth,
My younger sister, Penny, and I have been best friends our whole lives. I came out to Penny five years ago when she was home from college and she was really cool about it.
After college, Penny moved to West Texas with her boyfriend and now they're getting married. Penny asked me to be maid-of-honor, but she says I can't bring my new girlfriend as a date because her boyfriend's family is Southern Baptist and they don't approve of same-sex relationships.
I'm shocked that my sister would expect me to go back in the closet like this, but I can't imagine not being part of her wedding? What should I do?
“Nuptial Nightmare
Dear Double N,
What really twisted the knife for me is the very first line of your letter. If the two of you didn't have such a special relationship, it would be fairly easy for the Truth to simply say that you should follow your heart and respectfully decline on principal. But given your singular attachment to her, the situation is gravely complicated. You say that Penny has been your best friend your entire life. As such, I'm sure she was on the earliest list of people who were informed about your sexuality. I would submit that if she reciprocates the special designation of “best friend' (not to mention that you're her flesh and blood sister), she needs to grow a spine and fast. And here's why: this is only the first of many milestones to come.
When her first child is born”the first child of your sister and best friend”where are you and your partner in that scenario? And does it end there? Will you have unguarded access to her children? Or will her in-laws compel her to distance herself”and by extension, her children”from you? Here comes the Truth: If your sister doesn't make a stand here, she never will. The very nature of your relationship is at stake and the ball is deep in your sister's court. I hope she chooses the right shot, for both your sakes.
