Dear Truth,
I'm so pissed off at my girlfriend's family. Sofia and I have been together for four years, yet every time we go to visit her parents or her sister, they act like I'm just a passing fad in Sofia's life. We are both Cuban and it's a big deal that Sofia's family accepts us, but I hate the fact that they don't respect us. Her sister refers to me as Sofia's “latest girlfriend” and makes jokes about how long it will take before Sofia “moves on” to her next relationship. And last time we saw Sofia's mom, she told Sofia that she was very pretty and she could have “her pick of boys out there.” WTF!
I've told them that I don't appreciate their negative talk and that Sofia and I are in love, but they just laugh and claim that they're joking. When I talk to Sofia, she says that it's just her family's way of coping with our relationship and not to take them so seriously. I know Sofia is really close to her family, but I'm afraid that I'm going to blow up the next time her family disses me. Can you help?
“Furiosa in Ybor
Dear Furi,
As you've described them here, Sofia's family are terrible people. Really dreadful. To refer to you as her “latest girlfriend' in front of you is not passive aggressive, it's downright aggressive. And it's rude as hell. The fact that Sofia doesn't call them out, but leaves that to you, says nothing good about the health and permanence of her spine. It really is up to her to let her family know in no uncertain terms that they way they're treating you is unacceptable. Let her know that you require that she speak to them about it.
If she doesn't, or she does and they continue to be insulting, then they deserve what's coming. Here comes the Truth: Blow up! All over them! Sofia won't deal with this situation, so you're going to have to. She probably won't like the way you do it, but she had her chance. If basic decency and common courtesy don't drive their behavior, maybe fear of the crazy shouting lesbian will.
Dear Truth,
Is it rude to date someone after they've rejected one of your close friends? About three months ago, my good friend Darnell told me that he talked to a guy named Walter online. They chatted for a while and they hooked up one night. They tried dating, but Walter eventually told Darnell that he wasn't into him and they broke it off about a month ago. Darrell says it wasn't a big deal, but I know he was disappointed and a little hurt. The problem is that Walter and I have been attracted to each other ever since Darrell introduced us, and we've been chatting online regularly. In fact, we've been talking or hanging out almost every day since he stopped seeing Darrell, and I really think that we might have something special. Walter says he and Darrell were never serious so I shouldn't worry about what Darrell thinks. I know Darrell will say that he doesn't care, but I can't help but be concerned that he does. What's the rule on this?
“Burdened Best Buddy
Dear Triple B,
The Truth regularly gets questions on this theme. I try to be forward-thinking. I try to be cool and casual about it. I really do. But the Truth's rule on this is that if Darrell is a good friend, you're really better off steering clear of his exes. It's just not something the better sort of people do. He may think, rightly so, like a boyfriend headhunter for you if you start picking through his dating rubble. However, it sounds to me like this particular cow has already left the barn. You say that you have been hanging out or talking almost every day since Walter and your friend stopped seeing each other. You and he have also apparently had conversations about the affect of a potential relationship on Darrell. Uh, you're already sort of dating, right?
What you're really asking for is for me to provide retroactive permission. Here comes the Truth: it's a close call, sweetie, but I'm going to pass.
