Dear Truth,
My friend Darryl thinks everybody is hitting on him. Darryl is handsome, but he’s not nearly the catch that he thinks he is. No matter where we go, Darryl feels obligated to inform us that all the men—especially the hot ones—are after him. I’m so sick of him saying something like, “Did you see that guy cruising me?” whenever a good-looking man walks by. And it’s not just gay guys, either. Darryl is convinced that he’s so attractive and masculine that even straight guys want him. It’s annoying and embarrassing, and a couple of times we’ve almost gotten into fights because Darryl insists on maintaining eye contact with the guy—he calls it “cruising back”—if he thinks the guy is hot. I’ve tried to talk to Darryl, but to no avail. What should I do?
—Weary Wingman
Dear W2,
Here comes the Truth: Darryl sounds insufferable. I am sure there are plenty of reasons why you’re friends with Darryl and I have no way of knowing what they are. To know what you should do, I would need to know how close your friendship with Darryl is. If he’s a very close friend, I would sit him down and have a serious conversation. I would let him know that the constant hubris is not only exceptionally unattractive, it also is transparently about his insecurities. I would ask him if he realized that the image he is presenting to the world is one of someone who is so screamingly insecure that he constantly has to prop himself up. I would also make it clear that he also looks a little delusional. Remind him that he is, yes, handsome. But from a purely objective place as his friends, you can report that not nearly the number of people are coveting him as he thinks. I imagine he’ll at least think of your words the next time he feels like pointing out how well-cruised he is. In the event that he is not such a close friend, I’d say “fuck him.” That shit’s annoying, yo.
Dear Truth,
I am a single, 32-year-old lesbian, born and raised in Kansas. My parents (whom I adore) still live in the house I grew up in, and most of my family still lives within 200 miles of my hometown. Shortly after I came out to my family in 2000, I moved to Bradenton for work and I have lived here happily ever since. I go back home several times a year, but I’m finding it harder and harder to get excited about visiting, especially around Thanksgiving and Christmas. My family is incredibly loving and totally supportive, but I’ve established a really good life here in Florida and my circle of gay friends has become a second “family” to me. This year was especially hard since my closest friends were celebrating their new baby’s first Christmas. I know bio-families are important and I want to be a good daughter, but I’m tired of missing out on celebrating holidays with the people with whom I share my life. Is it wrong that I’d rather be with my friends than my family for holidays? What should I do?
—Troubled in Paradise
Dear Bradenton is Paradise?,
What we have here is called an embarrassment of riches. You are truly blessed, and I hope you take time to remember that at the onset of a new year. I think with thoughtful planning and rigorous communication, you can enjoy your time with your family, while still fulfilling your desire to spend the quality time with your chosen family. I would begin by talking with your ‘bio-family’ and explain the time and expense of travelling to them multiple times each year. As an adult, of course you have obligations that might keep you at home during the holidays. I would explain this, tenderly, to them. I certainly wouldn’t necessarily make an “I’m choosing my friends over you” statement. But do remind them that you have many close friends—all of whom I hope they have met or at least heard about extensively—to spend the holidays with, and not to worry. If you communicate months in advance what your plans for the holidays will be, there will be no surprises when the dates arise.
I wouldn’t jettison all trips home; you would eventually regret that as well. But rotating various holidays at home and away should give you the opportunity to be fully present to both your families.
