Dear Truth,
My best friend, Jason, is causing problems for me. Everything he says is loaded with sexual innuendo, even when we’re hanging out with my straight friends and coworkers. Sometimes Jason can be really funny, but lately I’m beginning to wonder if he can even have a conversation without dropping “That’s what she said” or “I bet you would” a dozen times. The other day I invited him to lunch with my sister and her boyfriend and he did nothing but make suggestive sexual comments. I swear, I thought my sister’s boyfriend was going to punch him. Afterwards, I told Jason I was really embarrassed and he got all pissy and said I was too uptight. He says it’s important that we don’t hide our sexuality, and that by asking him to tone it down I’m actually asking him to pretend to be someone he isn’t. I’m just tired of his shtick and think he’s immature. What do you think?
—Grow Up Already
Dear GUA,
I think you hit the nail on the head with your signature. What we have here is someone who is hiding behind his sexuality to be an immature goof. No matter what your political bent, sexual orientation, or fervent moral beliefs, respectful humans are still required to behave like adults and have their behavior be situation-appropriate. I agree that it’s important to not hide our sexuality, but I don’t see how making sexually inappropriate jokes in mixed company, making everyone uncomfortable in the process, could be labeled as a civil rights issue. It’s a maturity issue. Here comes the Truth you already know: Jason needs to grow up. Pissiness aside, if he doesn’t clean up his act and stop working blue, I’d let him know that you will be making careful considerations before inviting him to meet your friends and family in the future.
Dear Truth, Last year, some of my invited guests brought along a gay couple, who, upon their arrival, presented us with a really nice bottle of wine. I thanked them for the wine and placed it on the countertop. I had planned to serve a wine I had selected for dinner, however, and did not open my guests’ wine.
That night, as our guests were leaving, the one of guys walked into my kitchen, grabbed his bottle of wine, and said that since we didn’t drink it, he was taking it with him! I was speechless.
I realize I may have hurt his feelings by not serving his wine, but I think he was extraordinarily rude. I believe that a gift to a host is just that: a gift. My partner says I should’ve opened the wine at dinner out of consideration for our guests, especially since we had just met them. He compares it to a guest showing up with a covered dish (which I would’ve served regardless), but I think this is different. Am I wrong?
With the holiday season upon us, I’m hoping you can clear up some lingering confusion about host gifts. My partner and I always host people for holiday meals, especially those who don’t have family invitations or can’t travel because of work. My holiday policy is “All are welcome.”
—Puzzled in Pinellas
PIP,
I completely disagree with your boyfriend. If you’re serving a plated meal, of course you should choose the wine that goes with that meal. If by chance, the wine had ‘worked’ with your entrée, you could have served it, I suppose, but you are under no obligation to do so. (For the record, I would be a little put off if someone just showed up with a covered dish if not expressly asked to, but that’s probably the food snob in me.) It all depends on how the event was advertised. But if these are the main holiday meals we’re talking about, the cook controls the menu, and that includes the wine service.
