Dear Truth, No matter where we go or who we hang out with, it seems one (or more) of our exes is there, stirring up trouble. Although dealing with the gossip and nastiness is a real pain in the ass, I think it’s worth staying here so we can be close to our friends and to avoid the expense of moving. Aisha thinks the trouble is only going to get worse (we both had some bitter breakups), so she wants to go somewhere new and get a fresh start. Work is not an issue, and she’s worried that our relationship may not survive this full-on assault by our exes.
What would you do? My problem is that I have to spend all my money on clothes and shoes because my image is really important to my career—I’m trying to become an actor/model and I’m looking for an agent. Also, my friends and I have a reputation for being trendsetters when we go out, so their expectations are high and I have to update my wardrobe constantly. They all make more money than I do, however, and I’m struggling to keep up with the bills.
How do I balance my finances with my career goals?
My girlfriend, Aisha, and I live near Orlando. We have been together for about four years, and we have lived together for the last two. I have tried living with other girlfriends before, but they usually drive me crazy and it is the downfall of our relationship. Basically, Aisha is the first woman I’ve loved that I can live with. However, Aisha wants to leave Orlando because we have too many angry exes here, which leads to a lot of drama.
—Haunted by the Past
Dear Haunted,
The first thing I would do is to ask why you have all these sort of toxic relationships around you. The idea of moving to a different city to get away from a crew of exes seems more than a little extreme. To allow the opinions and actions of others—particularly people who are no longer in your lives—is troubling. I know you feel like you’re trapped in a minefield but it is one of your own creation and you do have options. You and Aisha can start going to different places. You can make new friends. Here comes the Truth, baby: there will always be haters around. Rise above, don’t move away.
Dear Truth,
I am a twenty-something gay man living in Central Florida. I have a steady job, I live in a nice apartment, and I take really good care of myself. In fact, I work out five times a week and have gotten some modeling offers, so I know I look good.
—Florida Fashionista
Dear FF,
Part of being a responsible adult is living within your means. You say you “have” to spend all your money on clothes and shoes. That’s just not practical given your life situation. With a little creative shopping and hunting down sales, you can still create a great wardrobe without breaking the bank. Further, if your career aspirations are driving this, I must ask: Just how many job interviews are you going on?
To say you’re spending beyond your means for clothes for work seems a little strange. However, I’m more concerned with your concerns about other people’s expectations. I know it sounds quaint but the clothes and shoes you are wearing aren’t a fraction as important as the quality of the man in the shoes.
Here comes the Truth, baby: it’s time to grow up a bit. Spending a reasonable amount on clothes (a budget would help) might be a good first step.
