I often refer to myself as an Oprah type person, not because I am a media mogul or anything, but because my weight fluctuates very often. Luckily my struggles with my waistline aren’t as public as hers.
It’s a struggle to remain in shape. Finding the time to go to the gym on an insanely busy work schedule is difficult. Although, I had a trainer once tell me we all have the same 24 hours in a day, it’s what we choose to do with them that makes the difference. I wholeheartedly agree, so I should say it’s hard to prioritize physical fitness with a full work schedule.
I did recently, over the past year, manage to drop around 55 pounds. I was adamant about looking how I wanted for my 50th birthday cruise. I joined WeightWatchers and annoyed the piss out of everyone by telling them how many points the food was they were eating, even more so about all the zero-point foods I was eating.
However, I had a goal and I was motivated to achieve it.
I gained about 10 pounds on that cruise and it started the battle I am currently in. Although I am still 35 pounds down from my heaviest, my new clothes are starting to feel a little snug and I struggle to relearn the joy of zero-point eating. Hopefully putting it out in the universe will help me find the motivation I need to drop the pesky 10 pounds I want to lose.
I do think I obsess too much over my physical presentation, which makes me lose sight of another aspect of health that is arguably more important — mental wellness.
I noticed earlier this year that I was gravitating toward a more negative demeanor. To put it in terms of Disney characters, I was losing the playful Stitch that I adore and comfortably settling into Grumpy. It was cute at first, but my quick-to-react distain became a bit much for even me.
I decided to take a journey through the 12 steps again. I say again because I started the process over nine years ago, making it a third of the way through. I thought I was mentally sound and just let the program slide.
Over time, I started to feel resentful and trapped in the decisions I had made. I spent an unusually large amount of time driving back and forth from St. Pete to Orlando. As I began to go from talking to the drivers of other cars to yelling at them, I figured a reset was overdue.
It’s a fascinating process. First admitting that you need help, that you alone cannot fix yourself or other people. Although I do despise organized religion, I have come to believe that there is a power greater than myself and I truly do believe that — be it the power of the universe or the power of love (thank you Air Supply and Celine Dion).
I am currently working on what many consider to be the hardest step, taking moral inventory of character defects. It’s like Festivus in a way, airing your grievances, but you analyze those grievances. Why do these things bother you and what role did you play in causing that problem? The latter being the toughest question when you feel you have been wronged.
It’s definitely the most useful tool I’ve hit so far in finding peace of mind. I am able to see what triggers me and see that most of these issues are pretty petty. It’s humbling.
The result is common sense: you can’t control other people’s thoughts and actions, just yourself and your reaction. It’s almost like a great burden is lifting knowing I only have to fix me. When you put pen to paper with detailed analysis it’s easier to find a path to what is right.
It’s a great mental exercise I think would benefit everyone. I walked away with greater empathy and a greater desire to experience joy, which is why as I write this I am on a flight to New York City with my husband to catch up with an old friend and see a few shows. My fabulous husband has been a huge part of this change, agreeing to uproot his life and move to Orlando to give me the space to reconnect with the joy in mine.
In this issue of Watermark Out News we explore the comradery and joy LGBTQ+ safe spaces like our community sports organizations bring. Central Florida Bureau Chief Bellanee Plaza explores Orange County’s decision to sign the governor’s amended immigration agreement and Editor-in-Chief Ryan Williams-Jent dives into Sarasota’s decision to remove their rainbow crosswalk. For entertainment we meet with Tyler Henry, an LGBTQ+ medium helping Clearwater reach the beyond.
Stay visible, stay strong and support each other.
