Dear Truth,
I have known Tristan for over 10 years and I count him among my best friends. The problem is that Tristan's boyfriend, Seamus, is too touchy-feely. Seamus likes to massage my back, sometimes so hard it hurts. When he jokes around, he tweaks my nipples and pulls the hair on my chest, arms and legs.
I'm not a prude”my friends and I rub each other's shoulders and play grab ass all the time”but I've seen Seamus cross the line with the other guys, too. When I asked him to stop, I could see that I really hurt his feelings; to him, it's just his way of showing his affection for me. I know Seamus means well and he's genuinely a nice guy, but he doesn't seem to know the difference between horseplay and inappropriate touching. How would you handle it?
“Sore in Sarasota
Dear SIS,
So you're sure that it's just his way? “Cause I'm not so sure. Seamus seems to me like a serial groper. Here's the way the Truth would navigate these treacherous seas: I'd pull Tristan aside and say something like, “Hey you know we really all love Seamus, but the next time he grabs my nipples, I'm going to punch him in the face.”
Your long time friend will know that you are addressing with humor a touchy subject, and if he's any kind of friend, he'll have a conversation with his other half about his grab-handed-ness. Unless Tristan is blind. In which case my answer would be completely different. If it is genuinely a problem for more than just you, it's not your burden to carry. Talk to you friend and tell him to get his boyfriend in line and have him keep his hands in his pockets.
Dear Truth,
My partner, Tara, and I have been together for four years and together we are raising my seven-year-old daughter, Hannah. Earlier this month, one of Hannah's friends asked me why Hannah “has two mommies.” Normally, I would've jumped at the chance to talk about my relationship with Tara, but I happen to know that this girl's family is evangelical Christian and I doubt they would've approved of my explanation.
We live in a small conservative town and I don't want to alienate Hannah from the kids in her school, but I feel like I a coward for not answering the question honestly. On top of all that, Tara is pissed at me because she thinks that I'm ashamed of her. What do you think?
“Knotted in North Florida
Dear Southern Alabama,
Given the facts of a case”7-year-old children, a conservative, Southern hometown, evangelical Christian families”you're behavior doesn't indicate embarrassment; it indicates common sense. There is a strong part of me that wants to say “Get out of there!” But we choose our homes for a reason, and I'm sure you have yours.
Your daughter's well-being is undoubtedly the most important factor at play. If her friends are beginning to ask, then it's time to begin that conversation. Start slow, and use language she would understand, but don't spin some fantasy about two princesses. Kids today will soon enough figure it out, and will figure out that it's no big deal. Telling her that you and Tara and her are a family that is just the same as her friend's family is probably enough for now.
Here comes the Truth: As she develops, you'll add detail to that description. But at 7 years old, Hannah only needs the high points: she has two loving parents, just like her friend, and that she should eat her vegetables.
