Dear Truth,
My boyfriend Shane wants me to move in with him but he is a total slob. We've been together almost three years and I really want to take our relationship to the next level, but I just can't imagine sharing a house with someone who leaves his clothes all over the floor and doesn't keep up with the dishes (even though he has a dishwasher). Financially, I can't afford to live on my own anymore-I got laid off last year”and Shane owns his house, so it only makes sense to move in with him. I truly love this guy and he really wants us to live together, but I'm worried that his lack of basic housekeeping skills will end up driving us apart. What should I do?
Neat and Clean in New Smyrna
Dear Mr. Clean,
People enter relationships with different habits and ideas about cleanliness. In that respect you and Shane are no different than every other couple, and your problem should be filed under “S” for “solvable.” But there are a couple red flags.
First, you're talking about moving into Shane's house at a time when you have limited options. If you're there not because you want to be, but because you have to be, the scales tip in an unhealthy way. Will you feel comfortable telling Shane you want him to help keep a cleaner house”when it's his house? And what if he says, by word or by deed, that he's unwilling?
Start by having a relaxed but serious talk before you make any decisions. Tell Shane your minimum requirements”clothes and wet towels off the floor, no dishes in the sink, cap on the toothpaste. Ask if he can accommodate these requests without resentment. Be reasonable but be honest, and ask him to be equally transparent. If possible, try a trial period before you move in. Because here comes the Truth: If he can't make some minor changes for you, this will be the first frustrating battle of many.
Dear Truth,
I recently came out to my family back in Oregon after my father said to me that he was “sick and tired of hearing about those fags in California” in response to the repeal of Prop 8. I am the third of four girls in an extremely conservative Christian family, and I moved to Tampa after graduating from high school last year so I could go to college away from home. Now my parents say that they won't pay my tuition or living expenses unless I move back to Oregon and transfer to a nearby Christian college so I can “get on the right track.” I don't have money of my own and there's no way I'll qualify for financial aid (my parents make too much money), so I can't stay in school”or even in Florida”without their help. I know my parents love me, but I'm sure they will try to “fix” me if I go back. What should I do?
Fearful Freshman
Dear Quivering on the Quad,
You're at a turning point, my brave little dumpling. You don't need to be fixed. And every instinct you have is telling you not to return home.
Your priorities should be as follows: 1) stay out of Oregon until you're strong enough to visit on your terms, 2) find a safe place to live and a way to pay for it, 3) make some trusted friends, 4) explore options to continue in school”maybe now and maybe down the road, and 5) plug into some of the many wonderful LGBT resources and experiences that Tampa Bay has to offer.
I know it's scary, and it would be great if you could explore options and learn about yourself with a safety net from the family. But in this case, the price is your soul! Here comes the truth: if you return now, they'll own you. If you stay and make it”and you will”you'll never lack for self-sufficiency again. And that's worth way more than all the cashmere sweaters that may be waiting at home.
Good luck!
