Dear Truth,
About a year ago I loaned $800 to my friend, Walter, to cover his rent. Walter was going through a really tough patch financially due to a lapse in health care coverage (not his fault), so I didn't hesitate when he came to me for help. He is a stand-up guy and he works really hard, and he's been struggling to pay his bills ever since, so I've been reluctant to ask for the money back.
About two months ago, Walter started dating a guy who I think is covering most of his medical bills and expenses, but Walter is too proud to admit it. When I asked him about the loan last week, he seemed embarrassed and said his expenses were eating up his income and he didn't know when he would be able to repay me. I could really use the money to get caught up on my own bills, but I don't want to offend Walter by telling him I know he isn't paying his own way. Any suggestions how to resolve this?
“Land O Lakes Lender
Dear LOL L,
You “think' his new man is covering his bills but you don't know? The ambiguity in your knowledge base complicates my answer. If he is genuinely in dire financial straights, as he reports to be, you should probably give him a pass on the $800 temporarily, if you can afford to do so (it sounds like you can).
But if you have tangible evidence that he is, in fact, being subsidized by the boyfriend, you are within your rights to demand that money back immediately. In either case, you need to ascribe an expiration date on your largesse. In your very next conversation with Walter, let him know that you don't want money to get in the way of your friendship, and so to that end, you should conclude business together and he should repay you the money he owes you by X date. That date can be a week or a year, but at least with a conclusion in sight, the pressure will be less on your friendship.
Dear Truth,
My boyfriend, Thom, and I have been dating for almost seven months. We are both in our 20s, employed and our sex life is fantastic. When Thom and I first met, we bonded over our love of fashion, and I thought that I had really found my soul mate.
Now that we've been dating for a while, I'm learning that Thom's idea of “fashion” is to dress up in the most ridiculous outfit he can find (think Lady Gaga or Prince Poppycock), go clubbing and behave like a pompous ass. I've asked him to tone it down but he insists that he is just being true to himself and I should embrace it.
Most of the time I like Thom's daring sense of style, but when we go out I'm embarrassed to be seen with him. I'm beginning to wonder if this is a deal breaker. What do you think?
“Piqued in Pinellas
Dear Little Monster's Partner,
The most important sentence in your letter, actually the most important phrase, is “I'm embarrassed to be seen with him.” Honestly, that's sort of terrible. The other terrible part is that he acts like a “pompous ass.' Look, you're young. It sounds that at this phase in your life, you may not be entirely compatible. His clubbing pursuits are a source of expression for him. It would be awful to deprive him of that. Maybe you should bow out gracefully.
