Dear Truth,
My best friend is horrible with money. She has a good job and salary, but she’s carrying tons of credit card debt and not saving for retirement. She just turned 40, and this would be an amazingly good time for her to buy a house, but her credit is bad and she’s got no money for a down payment.
I know… not my problem. But it drives me nuts when I see her shopping for clothes she doesn’t need and picking up the tab at restaurants when she doesn’t have to. I tell her so, and sometimes she agrees. She’s getting ready to buy a Mercedes that’s way beyond what she needs or can afford. Should I keep plugging away, or let her learn (or not) from experience?
“Friend of Spendthrift
Dear FOS,
Easy squeezy. You're right. It's not your problem, and more importantly, none of your business. As long as she picks up her portion of a dinner check, and has not solicited your opinion about her finances or asked to borrow any money, it is incumbent on you to keep your mouth shut. If you were her lover, I'd feel differently (oppositely, as a matter of fact), but the boundaries of respectful friendship stop somewhere before nagging your friend about her spending habits.
Dear Truth,
I love poppers. For me, they take sex to another, more animalistic level. They wear off quickly, and I don’t see any down side. I just started dating a guy who doesn’t like them”says they give him a headache”and objects to my using them. He says we’re having a different experience that puts distance between us. I say any two guys having sex are likely having a different experience! But I have to admit that the idea of giving them up scares me a little. I’ve just gotten used to them. Thoughts?
“Poppin Daddy
Dear Penny Poppers,
From a purely medical, neurological perspective, poppers (amyl nitrate) are particularly bad news as recreational drugs go. Despite their short effect, they kill more brain cells than much harder drugs, because they specifically target your brain cells. You know that feeling of heightened euphoria and tunneled focus (that has been described to me)? It is actually the feeling of brain cells dying.
Now, are you going to become a vegetable if you use poppers on a regular basis? No. But your sharpness and mental acuity will be affected. And while it may not seem important now, surely regular use of poppers is not good for your brain health as you age. So there's that.
As for whether or not you and your boyfriend are having different experiences, I have to come down on his side. Rationalizations about the harmlessness of poppers aside, you're high and he's not. I'm not sure that “any two guys having sex' are having a different experience, but that you think so is instructive and telling.
It seems your boyfriend seeks intimacy and you seek porn sex. There can be overlap between those two but it requires maturity and a clear mind. Here comes the Truth: there comes a point in every person's relationship with the drugs they take that the penalty outweighs the benefit. You've reached that seminal point with poppers. At the end of your life, I can guarantee you will have preferred having more love and intimacy in your life, than to do another hit from the little brown bottle.
