Like the rest of the LGBT community, Watermark’s staff was shocked and saddened to learn of the recent rash of LGBT teenagers’ suicides, most of them the victims of fierce bullying. We watched with interested as Dan Savage launched his “It Gets Better” channel on YouTube, inviting LGBT adults to create and upload a video that reassures LGBT teens who are struggling to hang in there, because it does get better.
However, we realized not everyone owns a webcam, so we invited Watermark readers to contribute their own written accounts of why It Gets Better. If you know a LGBT teenager who is struggling, please share these stories and consider reaching out to him or her yourself.
I grew up in the heart of the Bible belt, Huntington, W. Va. during the mid 1950s and 1960s, to a Southern Baptist family. I was not necessarily out during high school, but I was sexually active and had feminine mannerisms. At one point the harassment was so bad that I ate an entire bottle of aspirin and, fortunately, I only got a little sick. Even though I was always taught at church that I was a sinner and abnormal, I knew in my heart that God was a loving God who loved and accepted me for the person I am.
After I graduated from high school, I went to work where I was befriended by another gay man who introduced me to the local gay community, such as it was. We had two gay bars that were private clubs with locked doors. I was finally out, or at least as out as I could be in 1970, in Huntington. In 1975 I met my first partner and moved with him to Pittsburgh, Pa. I lived there for 16 years as an out gay man and I have never looked back into the closet except to decide what to wear.
I have made many friends over the years both gay and straight, and could not be happier. I am now 62 yrs. old and I lead a very fulfilling life as an out gay man.
It does get better. Your teen years will definitely be the toughest, and you just need to hang in there and keep a positive attitude. You are a better person than the bullies.
—Frank E. Lycan, 66, I.T. computer operator
I grew up in North Dakota. My mom and step-dad found out I was gay when I was 16 by snooping around in my room and finding letters from my girlfriend. It was a disaster, which led to my mom giving me two options: either never talk to my girlfriend and never discuss this issue again, or move out. I couldn’t live a lie. Thankfully, my girlfriend’s family let me come stay with them (probably thinking it would be a week or two at best), but I never did go back home. It was a very traumatic time in my life, and I lost that side of my family. Kids at school liked to make fun of us, but we did our best to ignore it.
After graduating, I moved to Florida. Ever since, I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin, and met people who loved and accepted me. I’ve even reconnected with some family members who disagreed with how my mom handled the situation. Now, 17 years later, I am happier than ever. I have been with my wife for the past 8 years and we have a beautiful 18-month-old baby girl. I know that things may seem unbearable at times, but I promise there are so many good people out there. Don’t give up and reach out to the support systems that are available to you! It will definitely get better!
—Tanya B., 33, mother
My Mom once told me I would burn in hell for my lifestyle choices. This broke my heart and made me feel so terribly ashamed.
Through a lot of hard work, communication and mutual understanding she now says she would have it no other way. She admits that she knew from a very early age (before I did) that I was “special.” She recently told me that she knows now that God made me and God does not make mistakes and that she never even remembers even saying the “hell” thing. I told her that I would never forget that she once felt that way.
She has stood up for gays in public discussions without me even being there. When she overheard a negative conversation about gays at a post-church gathering she replied, “My son is gay and all he wants…all they deserve is acceptance!”
My family has embraced me and accepted the human that I was designed to be.
It gets better! You can’t come out if you check out! Stay here and develop and be the human being you were designed to be!
—David Lee, UCF Professor and professional Director
On my first day of high school in 1988 were shown a film called The Best Days of Your Life…So Far. I was excited, exhilarated, and very scared. The film focused on the more social aspect of school, extolling the virtues of having a girlfriend and hanging with friends at the football games. I was smiling, but had already come to the conclusion they were talking other people, not people like me. All through high school I dated girls in an attempt to fit in and to my chagrin, nothing developed with any of them. That’s when bullying, innuendos, and outright name calling started. Some of the guys would start a game of dodgeball, or “smear the queer” as it was more commonly called. Inevitably I ended up being the only one on the wall. Homecoming, prom, and the other school socials were my worst nightmare. I questioned if there would be life after high school.
But, nearly 20 years later, I tell you it gets better. You will graduate and realize you are an amazing person. The individuality, dreams, thoughts, fears—everything about you—is what makes you so special. No one can ever take that away without your permission.
So, trust me when I say IT GETS BETTER.
—Chuck Dugan, 36, RN, CEN, EMT-P
I was fortunate as a kid. I was never really bullied and I was pretty well accepted. But when I was in high school and college and coming to terms with my own sexuality, I knew my family would react negatively. I was right. After college I came out and my father told me that I was “never a Christian” because I couldn’t be gay and a follower of Jesus. My mother’s reaction was even worse. When I told her over the telephone—not my plan, that was my father’s—she was immediately silent. Several days later I received a long, hand-written letter from her telling me about my “bad choices” and how my “fiends” (not friends—clever, huh?) had led me down an immoral path.
I honestly thought I had lost everything. I had never had a strained relationship with my parents and suddenly I felt completely disenfranchised from them. It was uncomfortable enough for me that when I got a job offer out of state I jumped at the chance.
That was more than 12 years ago. Today, my parents and I speak regularly and while they don’t fully accept my sexuality, they are slowly accepting the relationship I have with my partner. It took a long time, but my parents are beginning to see my family as a “real” family and if I could go back and tell the me of 1998 what I knew today, I’d offer a hug and say—be true to yourself first and foremost. Everything else will fall into place even though we don’t know what “everything else” entails.
—Steve Blanchard, Watermark Editor in Chief
