There are the horror stories. One gay man cringed when he relayed how a coworker spotted his casual hookup ad on Craigslist.
“I'm guessing that she spotted this in my photo,” said the man, who asked to remain anonymous. He then presented something”something like a scar or a tattoo”that, if it were in a photo, would make anonymity impossible.
“What was she doing on Craigslist”especially in the Men Seeking Men section”I don't know!” he says, exasperated. “At first, she asked me how my love life was going. I thought that was an inappropriate question for work, but I didn't think much about it. Then later that morning, she asked me if I'd ever used Craigslist. Then I knew she knew.
“It isn't as if my ad was as tasteless as others, but there was no denying what I was there for,” he says, blushing even now, months later. “I didn't know what to do. I thought I might mention to her that her questioning might be considered sexual harassment, but I didn't know the laws.”
In fact, it may or may not be considered at least creating a hostile work environment. Proving that”or sexual harassment”based on this single incident, without him speaking up beforehand, would be difficult.
“Then, if it blew up, all of the sudden, I might have to admit to others at work about the ad. Instead, I panicked: I faked being sick, went home and immediately took down the ad,” said the man.
Online access
Though it may seem like an invasion of privacy, the truth is coworkers and companies have access to much of your online presence.
“For the most part, we have to understand that we create that, we put it out there, and we control it,” says Steve Yacovelli, co-owner of Top Dog Learning Group, a company that specializes in employee development as often manages company policies on their employees' online presence.
Some people may say that America as a whole is too prudish. That may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that an online presence may directly affect professional relationships and career options.
“You can argue that it's unethical for a company to check, but the truth is, it's happening,” says Yacovelli. “Being aware helps you make the right decisions about what you want out there.”
Controlling that content isn't always as obvious as that ad for a hookup. On Facebook, some man may post shirtless photos of his latest workout success or that last fabulous circuit party. Maybe a woman might think nothing of that bar photo where she seemingly hangs drunkenly off the arm of another woman at a favorite club. Even the most innocuous-seeming photo might have others drawing conclusions.
“Because I own a business”and it's about helping people learn how to live their best lives”I'm always very conscious of my online presence,” says Dr. David Baker-Hargrove of BHC Assessment & Consulting. “So my views could be considered rather conservative.”
“It's not just about being gay”because honestly, if someone's not going to hire you because you're gay, then likely, you didn't want to work with them anyway,” says Dr. Baker-Hargrove. “It's about all the other conclusions people may feel free to draw from what they see online.”
One problem is that you may not have complete control of your online presence. If you haven't set up our Facebook privacy settings properly, friends who tag you can connect you with drunken debauchery. They can share a tasteless video on your page, and you won't know who's been able to see it before you were able to un-tag yourself. More importantly, without you changing your privacy settings, people can see your friend. They may judge you by the company you keep.
That can also work in your favor.
“I've had people tell me that they went out on Facebook and to my website before they hired me,” Yacovelli says. “We have to understand that this is the way of the world now.”
No place for the closeted
Of course, some people are still in the closet, and their only outlet is online. As dangerous as that may be”imagine a coworker spotting a closeted person's Craigslist or Grindr information”that isn't the only way people complicate their online life.
Yacovelli says, “There can be a dangerous situation where you have one persona in real life, another for LinkedIn [a business-centric social site], and yet another for Facebook.
“I'd be careful about making too many different personalities you have to keep track of,” agrees Dr. Baker-Hargrove.
Some people, though, have to worry less.
“If you're a female impersonator, or a bartender, say, at Parliament House”your Facebook may, logically, look a little different than mine,” says Dr. Baker-Hargrove. Meaning: it also depends on the career you're in, where you hope to go, and what helps your customers and clients feel most comfortable.
Making others comfortable is the last thing with which some Facebook people concern themselves. Often, people see Facebook as a place to vent and to get validation for their anger or sadness. Unfortunately, this emotional ranting can also reflect on your professionalism, losing you business.
“Oh great,” deadpans our anonymous interviewee, “that's another thing I'll have to run home and delete.”
1. Control your privacy. Get to know your online settings and set them accordingly. If you're worried about what others may post on your page or tag you in, use the setting that requires you to approve everything first.
2. Represent yourself well. A good rule is to only post on Facebook information you'd feel comfortable sharing at a mixed party”with your mom, her pastor, your boss, your niece”in fact, everyone you know.
3. Control your emotion. If something gets you upset or mad, think”give yourself time”before you post about it online. Giving others the benefit of the doubt helps.
4. Watch that your personal beliefs, political, social, and religious, don't come off as rants. The best presence online is one that asks questions and listens to others.
5. Use the right forum. Facebook is social; LinkedIn is professional, but”¦
6. Don't give yourself multiple personalities. If you manage your content well, nothing you post in one site will contradict what you post in another.
7. Know when to go private. That's why the Private Message function is there.
8. Never complain about work. Companies are sticklers about their online presence; some even have policies stating what employees can and cannot post on your personal page.
9. Prove that having fun and being professional are not mutually exclusive.
10. Accept the consequences. You cannot control everything, but if you've followed the other nine guideless here and someone draws an incorrect conclusion, learn from it and move on.
