Dear Truth,
I’ve been in a relationship for the past five years. We’re both in our 50s and my boyfriend”how can I say this”isn’t aging gracefully. He wears his hair in a platinum blonde faux hawk, sports large hoop earrings, and wears skinny jeans and t-shirts a size too small.
He’s a great looking guy but when I try to tell him to just be his handsome self without looking like a 20-year old gay heavy metal rocker, it falls on deaf ears. In fact, he spends a lot of time playing with his look, and it seems to be getting more extreme as we get older. His favorite thing to do is take pictures of himself and post them on Facebook. Should I give up trying to play Prof. Higgins and just love him for his narcissistic exuberance?
“My Not-So-Fair Baby
Dear Henry Higgins,
How to age “gracefully' is a different equation for everyone. For some, retaining their youthful exuberance (let's address the “narcissism' in a moment.) is their ticket to easing into middle age. Others focus on the “graceful' component and try to evolve their look and style to something more age appropriate. Part of that is a little bit of fear of looking like an “old fool,' but there's nothing wrong with that. It seems that your other half is having none of that, clearly.
If it's all in fun, and it's not affecting his career or your friendships or other associations, I'd say leave him be. However, if all his “postings' are making a fool out of him, and by extension, you, I would sit him down and have a more serious conversation about how you feel. Here comes the Truth: in the grand scheme of things, this is small potatoes. Is he caring? Thoughtful? Loving? These are the things that really matter, so be careful pulling these sort of threads.
Dear Truth,
My girlfriend is very pretty and lots of fun but she’s an incredible flirt. She’s one of those people who thinks everyone is attracted to her”a sizable number probably are”and she has a lot of fun with that. She doesn’t drink and doesn’t cheat.
When we go out together she always ends up back with me, and I’ve never caught her in a compromising position. But in my opinion, the flirting goes a little too far. I see it being misconstrued by people who then continue to pursue her online, etc. She admits she’s a flirt, but swears its just harmless fun. I want her to enjoy her looks and charisma. But on the other hand, it’s not fun for me when we’re out. How should I handle it?
“Bride of Narcissa
Dear Bride,
Flirting is not necessarily indicative of greater intent. I'm with your girlfriend on that score. But if it really is all in fun, then it shouldn't be that difficult to put away. Clearly she's getting something out of the attention, and she probably has developed habits around flirting for that very reason. It doesn't paint the picture of a mature adult if it's causing issues and she still continues batting her eyes at people other than her girlfriend. If she continues to do it even though you've told her it bothers you, I'm not impressed. It's thoughtless to continue to engage in behaviors that you've been informed are hurting your partner. Here comes the Truth: she needs to grow up a bit and put your feelings before her need for affirmation.
