In his latest column, Dr. Steve Yacovelli, (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude”) shares his expertise on submitted workplace questions from members of the LGBTQ+ community. Have a question? See below!
Hey “Gay Leadership Dude®” … I’m burning out. The constant “hits” not just to our queer community in general but the targeted attacks on our trans siblings, marriage equality, and hell even rainbow crosswalks these days is just getting to be too much. My LGBTQ+ Employee Resource Group has been told we cannot do any events like Pride or going to queer focused conferences as it could bring “unwanted attention” to our Fortune 500 company (even though we tout “we value diversity” as one of our corporate values). Any thoughts on how to maneuver through these feelings? ~Resilient Rainbow
I hear ya, Resilient Rainbow. Seems like I answered a similar question a few years ago and even one earlier this year, yet here we are again. It often feels like two steps forward, four steps back for our community and for too many other vulnerable groups as well.
Usually, I start my responses with some business-y spiel or model, but today I’m going to be honest and vulnerable with you: I can 100% relate to your feelings, Resilient Rainbow, as this year my inner fire was going out.
Starting last November, my business — TopDog Learning Group — has undergone a lot of change and been hit with a lot of challenges. The constant attacks and weaponization on what “diversity, equity, and inclusion” training means has shut down most of that part of my business (my company focuses on inclusive leadership and change management training, among other programs and services). One of our biggest clients (public media) had all their federal funding cut (which trickled to them cancelling training programs with us). Heck, I lost five keynote speeches that were based in Canada because (as one meeting planner put it) “we’re not allowed to spend money on American businesses due to the tariff war.” And the general business climate of uncertainty has frozen many companies’ efforts on leadership training. After 17 years in business, I thought I would have to close my little “Dog House.”
But, since one of the programs we teach is “being resilient in times of change,” I did the “physician: heal thy self” attitude shift. We cut costs. We (very sadly) reduced staffing. We even cut back on some marketing efforts that haven’t directly yielded quicker return on investment. We’re not out of the woods yet, but we’re being optimistic.
And then recently I attended the National LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) annual conference in Las Vegas. I hesitated to go mainly out of expenses and taking time away from other areas of focus on my business.
I am very glad I went. It threw logs on my dying fire.
During the week I reconnected with so many fellow LGBTQ+ business owners like me, many going through their own “fire outages.” I reconnected with representatives of many of the remaining companies not afraid to stand up for equality and visibly supporting queer-owned and many underrepresented minority-owned businesses. Just as I’m starting to rekindle that inner fire my state governor ordered the Florida Department of Transportation to paint over our rainbow crosswalk commemorating the 49 souls who lost their life during the Pulse massacre in 2016.
That threw gasoline in my slowly rekindling fire.
How does this relate to you, Resilient Rainbow? Like me, you may have forgotten about our community and its strength; I know I did, having my head down trying to just make payroll each month. Like me you may have forgotten how so many of us like-minded folks need to support one other in these “unprecedented times.” And like me you may have forgotten the vast power of all of us “others” pulling together, and how we can work to shield one another from the hateful rhetoric and actions taking place all around us.
My resolve to keep my business of inclusive leadership has grown exponentially. I’m not just trying to keep my lights on, I’m now more committed than ever to do what I can to fight the negativity, the attempted erasure of our Community, and the hurt and abuse of so many others that are in harm’s way.
And Resilient Rainbow, I challenge you to think how you can add logs in your own fire. To start, here’s five steps you can take:
- Connect with Community inside of your workplace … You’re fortunate to have an LGBTQ+ ERG: be sure to leverage this. Network for workplace support and connectedness. If you can’t do “external” events, what can you do to connect and grow within your company? Lunch and Learns? Book Clubs? Guest speakers? Find reasons to meet to support one another.
- Connect with Community outside of work … Maybe it will help to find other queer and allies in your local area (or beyond) with whom to connect. Support that community feeling like your ERG and collectively grow.
- Take little actions of defiance (legally!) … When my idiot governor “Rhonda Santis” ordered the FL Department of Transportation to paint over the Pulse crosswalk (cowardly in the dead of night, no less), my/our amazing Community rallied to color those crosswalks in with chalk. Now there’s a movement to rainbow all sidewalks to show solidarity and support all around the city of Orlando and beyond. What can you do — big or small — what help defy the hatred and spread support and positivity to those around you?
- Reach out to others and check up on them … Be mindful to ask others how they’re doing, and then just listen. Let them vent about their frustrations. One of the most underutilized leadership skills is listening to understand (and not respond, to paraphrase famed leadership guru Stephen Covey). Create a safe space for others to share their feelings and support them.
- Give yourself some grace … The fight for equality and fairness is a marathon, not a sprint, Resilient Rainbow. Some days your fire will burn bright: others you’ll need to close the damper and tend the little flame that’s left. Start to be mindful of your own feelings from day to day and take care of your own emotional needs in these f’d up times.
Hang in there, Resilient Rainbow, you’re not in this alone. And remember that we as a community have been here before, and we certainly can get through this … as long as we stick together, support each member of our Rainbow Family, and protect our most vulnerable. It may take some time, but we can indeed weather this storm (again) and see that bright rainbow in our future. Even if it’s made of chalk.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR “THE GAY LEADERSHIP DUDE”? Submit @ YourQueerCareer.com. Please note the advice shared is for informational use only; it is not intended to replace or substitute any mental, financial, medical, legal or other professional advice. Full disclosure can be found at the website listed above.
