In his latest column, Dr. Steve Yacovelli, (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude”) shares his expertise on submitted workplace questions from members of the LGBTQ+ community. Have a question? See below!
Hello “Gay Leadership Dude,” I’m really frustrated and tired. My company has pulled back on all its DEI efforts. They’ve eliminated our LGBTQ+ Employee Resource Group, mainly due to external pressures and our company having a lot of government contracts. My company isn’t participating in any Pride events this year and I feel like all the work we’ve done both within our business as well as in society in general is taking a massive step back. Is there anything you suggest I can do to help manage this feeling of gloom? ~Fading Rainbow
Oh, Fading Rainbow, I so hear you: it seems like these are the darkest times our rainbow family has experienced, especially for our trans siblings. But this brings up one of the things about us that is pretty damn incredible: the resiliency of the LGBTQ+ community.
Let’s take a quick trip back in time: our queer history is filled with moments of joy and celebration, but it’s also marked by periods of intense adversity. Consider the Stonewall Riots in 1969. That wasn’t just a spontaneous outburst; it was a powerful act of collective resilience in the face of relentless oppression and police brutality. For years, simply existing openly as a member of the LGBTQ+ community was an act of defiance, a testament to our unwavering spirit. We built our own communities, our own support systems, our own families – often in the shadows – because the mainstream world wasn’t ready, or willing, to accept us. That, my friend, is resilience in action.
Move forward to the AIDS crisis in the 1980s and ’90s. Our community was decimated, often ignored or stigmatized by wider society. We lost a generation of LGBTQ+ members to the disease. Yet, in the face of unimaginable loss and fear, we rallied. We cared for each other, we advocated for research and treatment, we mourned our fallen and we fought like hell for our right to live and be seen. The activism that emerged from that era not only saved lives but also laid the groundwork for many of the rights and protections we have today. That period, though devastating, showcased our profound capacity to come together, to find strength in unity and to keep fighting even when the odds seemed insurmountable. As many have said, we mourned our dead in the morning, advocated and shouted for our right in the afternoon then partied and supported one other in the evening.
Fast forward to today. While we’ve made significant strides in legal rights and social acceptance (marriage equality, better visibility and equality for our trans family, etc.), we’re once again facing a climate where some of those gains feel fragile. We see increased legislative efforts in the U.S. and elsewhere targeting our rights, a rise in hateful rhetoric and a general sense of unease for many in our community and equality in general. It can feel disheartening, even exhausting. But here’s the thing I want you to remember, Fading Rainbow: this isn’t the first time we’ve navigated turbulent waters and it certainly won’t be the last. Our history is a testament to our enduring resilience.
So, how do we, as humans and specifically as an LGBTQ+ family, tap into this wellspring of resilience during times of change and challenge? Research in psychology and related fields offers some compelling insights. Studies on trauma and recovery consistently show that while adversity can have profound impacts, humans possess a remarkable capacity for post-traumatic growth. This isn’t about simply bouncing back to where we were; it’s about the potential to experience positive psychological changes as a result of struggling with adversity. This can manifest as a greater appreciation for life, stronger relationships, a heightened sense of personal strength, a shift in life priorities and a deeper understanding of oneself.
One key factor in fostering resilience is the presence of strong social support. Research consistently demonstrates that folks with robust social networks – friends, family (chosen or biological), community groups – tend to cope better with stress and adversity. For LGBTQ+ individuals, our chosen families and community bonds have always been a vital source of strength and support, especially when faced with societal prejudice or lack of acceptance from biological families (or even governments). These connections provide a sense of belonging, validation and practical assistance during tough times.
Another crucial element is our ability to find meaning and purpose, even in the face of hardship. This might involve engaging in activism, supporting others in the community, pursuing creative outlets or finding spiritual or philosophical frameworks that provide comfort and guidance. For many LGBTQ+ folks, our shared history of struggle and our commitment to creating a more just and equitable world fuels this sense of purpose.
Plus, psychological research highlights the importance of cognitive flexibility – our ability to adapt our thinking and find new ways of approaching challenges. We in the LGBTQ+ Community have often had to be incredibly resourceful and adaptable, navigating societal norms and expectations that weren’t designed for us while maintaining our own safety. This inherent flexibility is a significant asset in times of change.
Finally, studies on resilience emphasize the role of self care and emotional regulation. Taking care of our physical and mental wellbeing, practicing mindfulness and developing healthy coping mechanisms are essential for navigating stress and maintaining our resilience over the long haul. Give yourself some time and grace when needed, Fading Rainbow.
And let me be crystal clear here, Fading Rainbow, I know perhaps you and some of us in the rainbow family will experience these times harsher and with deeper feelings than others. And this article isn’t meant to have some rose-colored glasses or engage in “toxic positivity,” but merely point out – as a community – we have faced down prejudice, loss and uncertainty before, and we have emerged stronger and more determined each time. This time will be no different.
To help you cultivate and strengthen your own resilience during these times, Fading Rainbow, here are five actionable steps you can take:
- Nurture your connections: Lean into your support networks. Spend time with friends, chosen family, your former ERG colleagues and community members who uplift and affirm you. If you’re feeling isolated, actively seek out connections through LGBTQ+ organizations, support groups or shared interest groups. Remember, you are not alone.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding to yourself, especially when things feel challenging. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and remember that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Engage in self-care activities that nourish your mind, body and spirit. Seek professional counseling if needed; it can do a world of good, too.
- Focus on what you can control: In times of uncertainty, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by things outside of your control. Shift your focus to the aspects of your life where you do have your hands on the proverbial wheel. This might involve taking action on issues you care about, setting personal goals, or focusing on your daily routines and well-being.
- Find meaning and purpose: Connect with activities or causes that give your life meaning. This could be through your work, your hobbies, your activism or your spiritual beliefs. Having a sense of purpose can provide a powerful anchor during turbulent times.
- Cultivate hope and optimism: While it’s important to acknowledge the challenges we face, nurturing a sense of hope for the future is crucial for resilience. Focus on the progress we’ve made, remember our past victories, and believe in our collective ability to create a better tomorrow. This doesn’t mean ignoring the difficulties (that toxic positivity again!) but rather maintaining a belief in the possibility of positive change.
Our journey as an LGBTQ+ community has always been one of resilience, Fading Rainbow. We have a deep well of strength to draw upon, forged in the fires of adversity. By nurturing our connections, practicing self-compassion, focusing on what we can control, finding meaning and cultivating hope, we can not only weather the current storms but emerge even more resilient, more connected and more determined to create an equitable and just world than ever before. Keep your chin up, lean on each other, be kind to yourself and others and remember the incredible strength that lies within our community (and written with much love and support from your Rainbow Family Sibling!).
HAVE A QUESTION FOR “THE GAY LEADERSHIP DUDE”? Submit @ YourQueerCareer.com. Please note the advice shared is for informational use only; it is not intended to replace or substitute any mental, financial, medical, legal or other professional advice. Full disclosure can be found at the website listed above.
