This will not in any way be a political rant and I promise not to even mention our orange Felon-in-Chief beyond this opening sentence.
God knows we all could use a little light-hearted addition to our day-in and day-out onslaught of bad news and horribly destructive decisions and edicts coming from the Oval Office and the zany, unqualified cast of circus characters that now comprise the cabinet of the current administration. So, tempting though it may be, I shall herein attempt to make you chuckle, or at the very least, smile by sharing some random happy thoughts and memories.
Here we are winding down Black History Month; a time that always brings to my mind the wonderfully eccentric and brilliantly blue comedian, Moms Mabley. If you are too young to know who she was I entreat you to check her out. Moms began performing on the “Chitlin’ Circuit” in the 1920s and later became the first female comedian to appear as a solo act at the Apollo Theater in Harlem. During the height of racial unrest in America she became a successful “crossover act” with her high-selling comedy albums showcasing their stand-up material.
I bought my first Moms album when I was in the fifth grade and I recall that being the first time I ever purchased an album with a bright sticker affixed to it which read “Not for Airplay,” which translated to “The old lady’s material is not just adult in nature, much of it is downright filthy.” Moms also became a fixture on TV with multiple appearances on various variety shows such as “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour,” “The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson,” “The Ed Sullivan Show” and, since she was one of his favorites, she became a semi-regular fixture on “The Merv Griffin Show.” Of course, her material had to be toned waaaaay down in order to get past network sensors, not only due to its adult and often sexually explicit material but also because Moms’ humor was, more often than not, political satire that, in the 60’s, made network programmers quite nervous. One of her album covers was created to look like a newspaper picturing Moms at the Geneva Convention seated next to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro while raising her fist toward U.S.S.R. leader Nikita Khrushchev.
If the fabulously funny and totally toothless Moms Mabley were alive today, she would be absolutely hated by MAGA Republicans and all right-wing Christian nut jobs, which is precisely why I loved her.
In August of 1968, following the death of Sen. Robert Kennedy, singer Dion released the single, “Abraham, Martin and John” as a tribute to the memory of four assassinated Americans: the aforementioned Kennedy, his brother John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., all icons of social change. The song was not only an immediate hit but also began to be immediately covered by other artists. None was more heart-wrenchingly soulful than the version released by Moms Mabley in June of 1969. I highly encourage you to watch her perform of this beautiful remembrance on YouTube.
Now on to the part where I hopefully coax a smile from your politically weary face.
Valentine’s Day just passed and as usual I got nothin’ from nobody ‘cept for one card from an elderly married friend and her dogs. Now that I’ve lost 100 pounds I’m feeling a tad bit more confident in putting myself out there as being on the market and available, so please do consider this section of this column as my having done just that.
For the record, I tend to gravitate toward persons a bit younger than myself and I prefer those who are more slight of frame but I’m not picky. Much.
My birthday is coming up. I’ll be turning 68 on March 6 and while that may or may not make you smile, citing my age always makes me grin because I can never quite wrap my head around the fact that I am a bona fide senior citizen even as I absolutely refuse to act like one.
I say that but my body says otherwise in many ways. First and foremost being my near constant urge to pee. And I am becoming alarmed by how quickly after getting the urge to do so, I absolutely must pee and it’s often a mad dash to the nearest urinal, bush or shoulder of the highway. Seriously, I’m not kidding. The only good thing to come from this side effect of being 68 years young is that it costs me far less money now to attend a play, musical or concert because I honestly can no longer enjoy a libation anywhere close to curtain time lest I risk having to get up during the show. So, there’s that.
Meanwhile, I, like many among you, am completely psyched about the fast-approaching opening of Epic Universe. I’ve already been out there to check out the now operational Stella Nova Resort and this is what I can report: it’s stunningly beautiful in a budget kind of way. Actually, it’s really very pretty and sleekly designed for a value-classed resort, albeit with very limited dining options. However, the entire lobby, like most of this hotel’s public areas, is white on white on white with floor-to-ceiling windows allowing the sun to streak in and set the all-white lobby ablaze with blinding white light making it impossible to divert one’s eyes to a more subdued intensity. Seeing the bright white everywhere set off my vertigo and I had to stagger my way to an off-to-the-side seat where I closed my eyes as I sat for a while in order to regain my bearings.
So, now we’ve established that while I may be a greatly reduced-in-weight version of my former self, I am in fact a going-on-68-year-old guy who absolutely has to pee along the side the road and who loses his equilibrium in bright white hotel lobbies. Quite the catch, huh?
But on the flip side, I am highly active and very socially engaged. I’m walking a lot these days and I am a regular at Planet Fitness. I go to the parks a lot and I still enjoy all the thrill rides and I am quite happy to be flipped upside down multiple times a day. I am spontaneous, adventurous and I love going on unplanned road trips. I am a very good cook and I especially enjoy cooking for others. I’m a good housekeeper, an excellent party host and when I have a man in my life that I love I very much enjoy making a fuss over him. I am ready to meet my next life partner for whom I look forward to helping create a home.
All referrals are welcome. I promise, I don’t pee the bed!
Michael Wanzie is an Orlando-based playwright, actor and ordained minister. He is most recognized for his direction of productions in the Central Florida area.
